In limbo...

Webster states that limbo is a place or state of restraint or confinement or a place or state of neglect or oblivion or an intermediate or transitional place or state or a state of uncertainty.

During the last few months I can honestly say that I have experienced each of these states of being. I am sure that a majority of it is my own doing -- but none the less I have felt as if I am in a state of LIMBO.

It dawned on me last night as I was talking to John that being in limbo isn't necessarily a bad thing. Although definitely not a comfortable state of being and not one that is coveted by many IT could be a place for a lot of learning and growth.

I have been pestering John to get some answers to various questions involving some major decisions in his life and our life. I am sure that I have crossed the line of periodically requesting to constantly nagging. I am a planner or at least I like to think myself one -- I like to plan the will happens, probably will happens, possibly could happens and even the hopelessly optimistic it is a long shot happens -- Be Prepared -- isn't that a motto for some organization.

Anyway, I am at a standstill with the future plans -- there are too many unknowns to even put together the long shot plan -- I don't even think that I could comprise a "an ice cubes chance in hades" plan right now. Things have not moved fast enough for me and there are many things that I want to have planned out and ready to put into motion if and when decisions are made.
Don't get me wrong -- we are not standing still on preparations that will lend to an easier transition if things become a "go"-- but there is so much more that could be in place -- many more unknowns switched to the knowns -- and I could be in so much more control.

So...last night as I was talking with John, I realized -- It was just that -- This is a control issue and the control is out of my hands -- it is unnerving ....no, it is down right upsetting for me. Ahha! You see we had made some goals that needed to be realized. These were goals that would not necessarily be effected by the answers to those questions I do desperately desired to know. The time line may be a little altered -- it would add some excitement with absolute deadlines to meet -- but the essence of these goals would not change. I was reminded of the sentiments I'd felt regarding these changes that could happen to our lives -- it was one of peaceful resolve. Things were to happen the way they were meant -- my job ...was to trust in that feeling and do those things that I knew needed to be done by me. Keep focused on the goal, constantly moving forward, and "peace, be still".